Old Lady

My biggest college fear? It isn't the course load or exams or what my professors will be like. Nothing like that. It is that I will be that old lady in class. You know the one. Everyone had at least one in their classes. They sat in the front row. Never had a hangover. Asked too many questions. Always blew our damn curve. I hated those old ladies. The only thing I had going for me was that I know I look young. People always guess my age at least five years younger than I actually am. Of course those people are my eighty-year-old neighbors, but still. Maybe I could pull off twenty something? Twenty something wouldn't seem that old to a college kid, would it? I know thirty something definitely will.

While sitting in the lobby of the visitor center waiting for the tour to begin, it dawned on me that these prospective freshman are closer to my kid's age than mine. These wee little kids were in kindergarten when I was last in college. Holy shit. I am officially old. But I look so young right? As the tour concluded, two girls studying in the lounge motioned Kenny over. "What are you doing here," they asked. "Are you going to be our new professor?"

All of my delusions that I could blend in were lost in that moment. I can't fool them with my, apparently not-so-young, looks. And if that didn't give it away, I would probably have been found out as soon as class started. I know my attitude about school is very different this time around. I have no plans to waste my time or my money by half-assing school. I will be sitting in the front row, asking questions. On Friday nights, I will probably be studying while the teenage college kids stress over who will buy them beer. On Monday, I will blow their curve while they nurse a hangover. I will officially be going back to school as that old lady.